I Wont Give Up

I’ve turned into such a slut….I don’t know why and I don’t know necessarily how to stop. I hate myself for it because I know I’m trying to get someone back but I keep going around fucking other people…why can’t I just stop? Is it that hard? Apparently….

(Source: princessdiagron)

bl4ckmetalhead asked: So you don't respond to my texts, but you like one of my text posts?

I’m barely texting anyone anymore. I don’t like it. It frustrates me.

slimed:

f is for friends who dont talk to you

U is for ur a freak

i will wait

however long it takes

even though all you feel towards me is hate

i will wait

if it means a day, a month, or a year,

i will stay here

and hold you dear

even if it means a year

if it means i will be in this deep dark hole this whole time

you are still sublime

it would be a crime

if i didnt wait this whole time

if it means every day will be pain

i will refrain

from going completely insane

i will deal with the pain

i will wait

however long it takes

even though all you feel towards me is hate,

i will wait.

bl4ckmetalhead asked: Y'know, it kinda sucks knowing that you're suffering and I can't do anything to help

I know. What’s worse is when its your problem and you can’t figure out what the fuck is wrong with you so you can’t even help yourself

why cant i just figure anything out anymore? im so lost and the tears arent stopping…

bl4ckmetalhead asked: May I ask what happened?

too much to even explain…

bl4ckmetalhead asked: I'm going to go and assume that something happened seeing as how its been a week since I heard from you. If you're just ignoring me that's cool too. Either way I'm worried about you. Bye now

im sorry frank…i havent been really talking to anyone except amanda. something has happened. too much shit has been happening and i just dont have the energy to explain it all anymore. im feeling like shit and its really hard to even get by right now..

why i cant believe when people say im pretty 

why i can be completely happy around you and once you leave, im depressed as fuck

why i dont like my mom, when all she does is care for me

why im such a stubborn bitch

why i cant control when i cry

why i cant be happy by myself….

Made me feel…inexplicable. i just cant explain it. i felt a range of emotions, from hopeful and happy to sad and way too fucking confused. why the fuck did i ask you on a date? maybe its cause i still miss you and i want you so much, and i love you, or maybe its because you said “not right now” to my “things aren’t going to change between us, huh?”. im reading too much into this but it still seems like you have feelings for me. ughh i miss you soo incredibly much i want to cry but i know you will just tell me to stop if you found out. why am i so fucking sensitive and weak? it sucks. i really dont understand how you have this power over me to change my emotions with the snap of your fingers. but everyone i talk to about it says i give him that power. how do i take it back? in all honesty i dont want to take it back. i love you. i dont understand why you didnt see that in the first place.

lost in my head which only circles and circles around the same topics over and over and over again. i cant be alone anymore. i end up crying. why cant i just have a normal life? when i was with him i was the happiest person ever and now im a wreck now that hes gone. why am i so dependent on him? i dont want to be. but he did take my virginity and i sware to god im in love with him. people say it was pure lust. maybe on his part which is terrible and breaks my heart even more…iim completely lost without him. and with him went most of my friends. so ive lost pretty much everyone i care about and i feel alone in the world. what could anyone else do with their life if they dont care? i dont know…im so confused. all i know is that i miss him so much…i just dont know what to do with myself sometimes…